2 posts tagged “medical”

At 1:40PM yesterday we (the Green Chili's) again faced off against SISU, this time for the finals. (note the photos are proofs from the professional photographer that was there, we paid for and ordered the complete set of photos for our team, so i'll have more and higher res photos soon)
 
From the start we knew we were in trouble. Half of our Protein Pair of wings was in the ER with intense jaw pain and was not going to make the game. That gave us only 10 skaters, yet we watched as 16 blue jerseys filled the other bench. This means that while we had exactly two lines, they had three. There was a good shot we were going to be out-skated by fresh legs all game. And that's pretty much how it went.

Just last our previous meeting, SISU was fast, sharp, and intense. They were intercepting our passes, smoothly working together to our skate and out think our defense, and just plain out skating us. We tried hard to hold our own. We made them earn each of their goals, not letting any of the easy ones in. But there was just no stopping them yesterday.

They mowed over us 7-2.

However... as I drove home, I didn't find myself depressed or frustrated or even discouraged. I was stoked actually.

I played hockey!

I just finished an entire hockey season, with a tournament of 4 games in a 36 hour period.

It was not that long ago that my heart condition would sometimes not let me up a flight of stairs. It was not that long ago that I was frequenting ERs and cardiologists due to the frequency and intensity of my heart issues and chest pain. There have been times in the last two years, and many times going further back than that, where my heart was so messed up I couldn't get out of bed.

Yet I played 4 intense hockey games in 36 hours, within a SINGLE off-rhythm heartbeat! Without ONCE taking my pulse! Without a single thought of my oxygenation level or blood pressure! Praise God!

I played 4 intense hockey games in 36 hours. My heart was healthy. My lungs were healthy. Heck, only my hamstrings are a bit sore today. It's pretty unbelievable.

In high school when all this heart stuff started I had to drop most things I was involved in, and couldn't even run the mile for fitness testing. I knew my time in athletics was over. But God's redeemed that!! Talk about amazing!

How to think about health is something that has persistently plagued me over the last 13 years or so.

See, in so many ways I am very lucky as far as health. I'm a rather healthy individual. I've never had any lifethreatening illnesses or injuries. I've never been incapacitated. I've never been admitted to a hospital. Praise God, in comparison to much of the world, I'm a mighty healthy person.

But on the flip side of things... I'm not soooo healthy. What i mean is from the age of 15 to the age of 25 I almost daily dealt with a heart condition that left me worn out, tired, and fearfull of activity as well as stubborn as all get out. Almost every day for 10 years, whenever I wanted to make a decision about what to do with my time or my day or if to accept an invitation for an activity with friends.. i had to assess where my heart was at and what it could handle. It became second nature. At almost any point in time I could tell you about what my blood pressure and pulse were. I could tell you how likely it was that my heart would act up that day. I could tell you (though i never would) how scared of it I was that day, or how angry at it I was. I was angry and bitter at my heart so much of the time because i felt like it was getting to determine what i could and couldnt do with my life. Simply by beating so fast that I had to stop whatever i was doing, randomly, whenever it wanted and for however long it wanted. I went from being an athlete to being a "heart patient" in some ways. Especially because at the time I felt like I had to deal with it all on my own and it scared me alot. And the medication, it just reinforced my already existing depression and lowered me to dangerous emotional levels. I had surgery, it was supposed to fix it, but that didn't work out either. See my rebellios cells were located in an inoperable position we found out once we got in there. Great. I'm stuck with this permantly they told me as they upped my medication and released me from the outpatient surgery ward.

Then, out of the blue about a year and a half after surgery, God blessed me with two years without a single incorrect or unexpected beat. For two years I got to be a "normal person" again. I lived at high altitude for a summer. I hiked mountains to over 10k feet in elevation. I ran, and goofed and rollerbladed. I worked out at school. I went for late night walks alone. I experienced caffienated soda again. I felt normal. I couldnt' tell you my pulse or my blood pressure. I didn't constantly monitor how much fluid i'd intaked during the day. And I didn't ever have to remember to take a little pill every day.

Then just under a year ago I practically collapsed on the ice one day. Eating and drinking didn't resolve my symptoms. An exam didn't show anything useful... till the EKG came back. Abnormal. And the journey started all over again. So now, they think there's somethign new electrically wrong with my heart. Cause it's not usually fast, just odd. Abnormally abnormal I guess they call it. But since my heart behaves when I ran the treadmill, and the pictures of my heart look right. They don't have a clue. So I'm back to having to desperately try to remember to take a drug every day. And I'm back to having to pay attention to what I drink and what I eat and how every beat of my heart is functioning. Paying attention to how I'm breathing and if my pulse is steady and if im getting enough oxygen and if i can really handle taking the stairs up to my cubicle this morning.

Some days I'm healthy. Some days I feel solid and I'm able to work out at the gym and bounce up the stairs without a thought.  Other days I get dizzy just trying to stand up and my heart physically hurts as I go through my day.

But still, I'm mighty healthy. I mean, yeah, it's my heart. But the doc claims it's not life threatening (how they know that when they admit they dont actually know whats wrong i dont really understand but sure). So it's just a nuisance right? I SHOULD just ignore it. Right?

I don't know.  Today is one of those days where I had to take the elevator, cancel my workout, and grab the desk for balance every time i stand and the world starts to spin. But it's the first day this week I haven't been in chest pain, so I guess I should be celebrating.

I know I should be happy with my health the way it is. But is it so wrong to want answers? To know what's wrong with my heart? To be able to stand and walk and breath and not be in pain?